I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
