I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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