i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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