She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
