The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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