They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
