I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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