I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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