Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
