i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
