At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
