i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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