There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
