I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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