i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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