There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
