Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
