the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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