I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
