we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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