my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
