He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
