Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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