OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
