I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
