the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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