Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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