If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
