And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
