I wish I could teleport
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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