I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
