This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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