you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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