I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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