so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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