At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
