Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
