ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
