i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
