To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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