what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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