Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
