You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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