My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
