what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
