I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Pants are for mortals
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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