I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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