you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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