i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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