After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
