my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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