I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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