question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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