I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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