Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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