guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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