So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Randomize
