I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
