I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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