we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
