Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
