you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I could fuck to npr.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
