Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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