rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
