Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
