I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
