My sheets look like a crime scene.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
