rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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